Happy

Right now I am happy. :) I have stressful situations that are surrounding me, but I am happy.  I wanted to open my Bible today...and I did. That is a good change from recent weeks. I hope it can become a permanent change...the desire, I mean, not the act. I want to be happy and I'm gonna try to stop looking in the past and start looking to the future again...it's a hard thing to do for me, but I'm gonna try.

Fear

What am I afraid of?
That everyone after you will continuously be a rebound for me.
That being together would mean you were settling.
That I would never know all of you.
That I could never love anyone more than you.
That you have no idea what you do to me.
That I am stuck in a rut, with no belief to get me out.
That my pride will keep me there.
That I'll be alone.
That I like that idea more than being with someone and have them taken from me.
That saying things to make people feel better about me seems like a good thing, even if it's not right.
That someday I will look back and regret the decisions that I make.
That I know "all the answers" and don't want to use any of them.
That explaining won't help.
That communicating isn't the best way.
That being so sure is something that makes me so unsure.
That things that used to make the most sense now make none.
That I over think things.
That I don't think enough.
That I'll forget my way back.
That I'll never want to return.
That someone will know the real me.
That I will know the real me.
That I will be stuck in a constant cycle.
That everyone after you will continuously be a rebound for me.

We're Not on Hold: Biblical Femininity for Single Women

Carolyn McCulley gives an encouragement to Christian single women
                    ^ click on this link to get to the teaching :) ^

This is a teaching that I found on the Desiring God website. It's by a woman named Carolyn McCulley...I have been encouraged this morning knowing that this is the place God has me in and there's more to do in my singleness than look for a husband. I want to be a faithful servant of God during this time, this gift, God has given me. Please hold me accountable.

Journal Entry #1

About 4 years ago I started writing in a journal and thought I would post what it says on the first page because although they are random...they are things that STILL apply alot to the things that I struggle with these days.

The first thing the top of the page says is:

"Do NOT throw this away no matter how stupid you feel when reading back on it! This shows an increase in knowledge about life. God is teaching me something!"

I think that I wrote this at the time because I knew that pride was one of my biggest struggles. I used to want to throw notes away that made me look immature because I felt stupid when I would look back on them and was embarrassed at the things that I used to think. I have learned through NOT throwing away things in this journal, that whenever I have done things that God wants me to do and have opened my heart to Him, I have been way less embarrassed to read back over the things that I was writing. I am glad that this was the first thing that I wrote to myself, because it has actually helped me at times to read back over stuff that I have written and see how I've grown or seen an answered prayer, etc.

The next thing was:

"But may they who love you be like the sun, when it rises in it's strength." Deborah in her song in Judges 5:31.

I think this passage from the Bible was inspiring to me because it is an encouragement to me to love God so that I can find my strength in him. It was also inspiring because it was written by a woman. I always feel like I need people around me who are trying to obtain the same goal in order to have the desire to continue in my desire to reach my goal. It is nice to know that other women, even hundreds and hundreds of years ago, were reaching for the same goal of knowing and loving God and that I'm not alone in my fight.

Following that quote was:

"No matter how many times the Israelites rebelled before, God always came to their rescue.  Even when it seemed that all hope was lost for them, for they had followed other gods, he still said 'He could bear Israel's misery no longer.'"

This is encouraging because I know that God looks at all people the same and that gives me hope that He will save me from myself whenever I need Him to.  He loves me and will not let me far from His sight. That even though I'm an idiot and do things out of selfish ambition constantly, He is faithful to me, just as he was to the Israelites, to come to my rescue. It just reminds me of how loving and merciful He is!

"Can you accept God's will for your life even if the answer isn't what you want?"

Sometimes the right answer (as a person who believes and wants to follow Christ) has come with discipline, but this question has often plagued me (in a good way) and made me very mindful of the fact that once again, this life is NOT my own. I have been bought with a price and I can't just do things I want cause I "feel like it"...I have to do things that God wants me to...because I belong to Him.

"DO NO MESS WITH YOUR VOW! Num. 30"

With this sentence I was trying to remind myself the seriousness of making/breaking a vow to God. I was trying to keep in mind how important it was to make my words count.

Here's the page that inspired this blog:

This blog entry may not have been totally exciting...but I think it's important to look back and see where you've come from and evaluate how you can continue to grow. I don't just want to forget where I've been. 

Proverbs 31

I read Proverbs 31 in my Bible this morning and found an insert that just added a side note to explain the passage. "If we read this detailed description of the ideal wife and mother as the point-by-point standard God expects us to live up to, we're bound to feel overwhelmed and exhausted before we even begin! The intention of this epilogue to the book of Proverbs wasn't to give women an impossible to-do list, but to spread out before them the many opportunities they have to use their gifts, talents and wisdom in fulfilling and productive ways. Rather than limiting women's roles, they are expanded endlessly.  As women we are created to have a positive and profound impact on everyone around us-whether it be our husbands, children, parents, friends, clients, customers or society in general. Being a woman is a blessing, and being a wise, strong and dignified woman blesses others in ways that can't be calculated.





The Proverbs 31 Woman :

¹⁰An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

rare, precious

¹¹The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

trustworthy

¹²She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

kind

Her Character
as a Wife

¹³She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

works joyfully

¹⁴She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

goes extra mile to get choicest goods

¹⁵She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

disciplined

¹⁶She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

enterprising, prudent with money

¹⁷She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

energetic

¹⁸She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

good steward

¹⁹She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

diligent

Her Devotion
as a Homemaker

²⁰She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

compassionate, generous

Her Generosity
as a Neighbor

²¹She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

provident

²²She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

elegant

²³Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

influential

²⁴She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

industrious

Her Devotion
as a Homemaker

²⁵Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

poised

²⁶She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

wise

Her Influence
as a Teacher

²⁷She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

manages her home

²⁸Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

praiseworthy

²⁹"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."

distinguished

Her Effectiveness
as a Mother

³⁰Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

God-fearing

31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

Her Excellence
as a Person


~Proverbs 31:1-31

Psalm 119 is AWESOME :)

Psalm 119:97-104

Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
I have more insight than all  my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.
I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word.
I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.
How sweet are your words to my taste,
Sweeter than honey to my mouth!
I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path.

I love you Lord! Your word really is a lamp to my feet! Anytime I am patient and am calling on you for the answers, you guide my way and give me great joy! You truly are the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! Jesus, you are all I need. :) Thanks so much for all that you've given me! You've blessed me with everything around me. My friends, my family, my jobs, my future....You are my ultimate gold mine and I will rest on you all of my days! Help me to live like you, that is all I want!

Sisters

Thought I would write a blog about my sister, tonight, since she was on my heart. I love this girl so much and it's all because of Jesus that we are as close as we are.  Until we both gave our lives to Christ, we were pretty hateful towards each other.  I was a completely selfish sister. I slapped her in the face on many occasions, called her fat, envied the "attention" that I thought she got more of and in general, took advantage of and took for granted the kind, sweet, loving and beautiful little sister that she was.  Until I moved out of the house and started attending church on my own and adopting a faith in Christ for myself, understanding what God intended when He created us and how I could never measure up enough to earn His grace...I really could have cared less about Aly. The more I learned about how much God loved me and commanded things of me like forgiveness, putting away malice, thinking on things that are pure and right, etc., etc., etc., the more I learned that it was nearly impossible to love God and treat her that way. It didn't matter what I thought she "did to me" or "thought of me" or even what I "thought I deserved"...no...all that mattered was that either I "loved God" or I "hated Aly and didn't love God"...but I couldn't do both...they were mutually exclusive.

At times, I thought (in my self-righteous state) that I was doing her a favor...that she was better off if I was nice to her...but really, in my pride, I should have realized that she was never better off with me at all...she was better off with Jesus.  I thought that by me doing what I was doing was changing her behavior and all the while she was seeking God and trying to follow Christ on her own and that was what was changing her heart.  She was working on forgiving me and I was working on my relationship with God which was in a way forcing me to love her. Funny how God's commandments are things that I think I don't want at first, but they're always the things that (in the long run) bring me the most joy...who would think that the creator of the universe...the one who thought up brain cells and photosynthesis would know how to ultimately bring me joy. hah...who woulda thought? I know I sure didn't.
God has worked on both of our hearts and through lots of prayer, sanctification and encouragement to grow in the Lord, Aly and I have come to have a loving, healthy relationship where we encourage each other to love God and in turn he has used her MANY times to bring me joy...what an awesome God I serve.  I LOVE MY SISTER!!!! :) *Double trouble* :)