In honor of father's day I am going to post a list of all the things that I love about my earthly daddy...I have a pretty good feeling that most of the things that I love are things that reflect off of my Heavenly Father. :)
1. The things he creates are beautiful. hahaha....JUST KIDDING...okay...let's start over. :)
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1. I love that he is a hard worker.
2. I love that he takes his responsibilities seriously.
3. I love that he is very detail oriented.
4. I love that he seeks justice for all...no matter the person.
5. I love that he cries when he is in front of a lot of people.
6. I love that he never gives up on me.
7. I love that he pushes me to be my best.
8. I love that he knows the difference between my wants and my needs and still at times wants to give me my wants.
9. I love that he is not only there to serve me, but also the people that I love as well...like my siblings and my mom.
10. I love that my dad is faithful to my family.
11. I love that he is goofy.
12. I love when he laughs and I can see his teeth.
13. I love that my dad has a heart for the poor and for needy children. (sponsors kids in 3rd world countries)
14. I love that my dad was consistent with me in the important things...in particular, teaching me truth.
15. I love that my dad doesn't just say things...he does them.
I love my dad. I am committed to him. I am committed to working at communicating my feelings with Him to better our relationship and in turn better serve those around me and even more, glorify God in that.
If you read this, I love you, Dad!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Trust Issues
I have trust issues. There, I said it. haha. Just kiddin...kinda. :) What I mean by that is that I had trouble trusting people that loved me because of things that were out of my control to understand. I think that there are things that everyone will have trouble understanding at this minute...but I also think that one day we will (if we are seeking the answers) know the answers to all of life's questions...whether they be on this side of heaven, or when we get there.
Learning about myself and the reasons that I behave certain ways has been really helpful for me to understand about God and where I fit in a relationship with Him. Thankfully, God gave me many male role models in my life to understand that my Heavenly Father was nothing like my earthly father. I do NOT mean this in a "bash my dad" kind of way. I have allowed God to let me see the bitterness in my heart and have been making strides to let it go (extend Grace) so that I could move on and try to do better with my own personal set of cards. Instead of focusing on the good things that my dad did (raise 5 kids in less than ideal conditions, work a ton to support us, deal with his own bitterness towards people of his past, etc.)...I focused on all the bad. I think sometimes I even blamed God for those things. I blamed Him, like I blamed my dad for all of the bad. I'm sure he had his share of sin and trust issues with God that were past down to his kids...but I'm also sure that he had a few bad cards handed to him as well. It did, get in the way of my relationship with God and I began to have (and still have) trust issues in my relationship with God. I doubt things. I doubt Him a LOT. I doubt that he "loves me". I do not trust that the promises that he gives me in the Bible are real. I do not trust truth. I do not trust that he has a "plan". I doubt that the things I do "for Him" matter. etc. etc. etc. Thankfully, He is faithful to me to show me through my sin, that He is all understanding and merciful to allow me and my wicked heart a second chance to learn and do better for Him.
I am now coming to understand more about what it means in the song by Hillsong when it says "Break my heart for what breaks yours". I may not always understand the severity of why things break God's heart...but it's really starting to make sense that when you love someone so much, it makes you weep when they weep. I remember the few times that I saw my dad cry in my life, even though I didn't always understand why he was crying, I saw his whole heart and the good in it and it made me cry too because I felt the passion for love coming from inside of him. I am starting to see that God's heart breaks when I sin and I am seeing why mine should too. It does NOT just affect me. My sin affects SO MANY SOULS. Thankfully, I am not responsible for anyone's soul. No, Jesus took that upon himself on the cross. He allowed God the Father to use Him in that way. That was love. I am so thankful that Jesus had so much love for his Father, that he obeyed him all the way to death. That was grace given to me...and everyone on earth. I am only responsible for accepting the gift of grace and evaluating how I can use it to honor my Heavenly Father.
Here on earth, I will ALWAYS struggle with sin. The key is, what do I do when I am faced with it. Do I follow what, in my heart, I say I believe and resist the temptation...or do I choose to follow the father of lies and dishonor my father in Heaven. All too often, I reject the cross and give in to temptation...I usually learn from it, but in the end, my heart always breaks for what broke his. I am praying tonight that Christ will show me where I am not trusting Him and that He will give me wisdom on how to be more Christ-like in the future...that no man should perish.
Learning about myself and the reasons that I behave certain ways has been really helpful for me to understand about God and where I fit in a relationship with Him. Thankfully, God gave me many male role models in my life to understand that my Heavenly Father was nothing like my earthly father. I do NOT mean this in a "bash my dad" kind of way. I have allowed God to let me see the bitterness in my heart and have been making strides to let it go (extend Grace) so that I could move on and try to do better with my own personal set of cards. Instead of focusing on the good things that my dad did (raise 5 kids in less than ideal conditions, work a ton to support us, deal with his own bitterness towards people of his past, etc.)...I focused on all the bad. I think sometimes I even blamed God for those things. I blamed Him, like I blamed my dad for all of the bad. I'm sure he had his share of sin and trust issues with God that were past down to his kids...but I'm also sure that he had a few bad cards handed to him as well. It did, get in the way of my relationship with God and I began to have (and still have) trust issues in my relationship with God. I doubt things. I doubt Him a LOT. I doubt that he "loves me". I do not trust that the promises that he gives me in the Bible are real. I do not trust truth. I do not trust that he has a "plan". I doubt that the things I do "for Him" matter. etc. etc. etc. Thankfully, He is faithful to me to show me through my sin, that He is all understanding and merciful to allow me and my wicked heart a second chance to learn and do better for Him.
I am now coming to understand more about what it means in the song by Hillsong when it says "Break my heart for what breaks yours". I may not always understand the severity of why things break God's heart...but it's really starting to make sense that when you love someone so much, it makes you weep when they weep. I remember the few times that I saw my dad cry in my life, even though I didn't always understand why he was crying, I saw his whole heart and the good in it and it made me cry too because I felt the passion for love coming from inside of him. I am starting to see that God's heart breaks when I sin and I am seeing why mine should too. It does NOT just affect me. My sin affects SO MANY SOULS. Thankfully, I am not responsible for anyone's soul. No, Jesus took that upon himself on the cross. He allowed God the Father to use Him in that way. That was love. I am so thankful that Jesus had so much love for his Father, that he obeyed him all the way to death. That was grace given to me...and everyone on earth. I am only responsible for accepting the gift of grace and evaluating how I can use it to honor my Heavenly Father.
Here on earth, I will ALWAYS struggle with sin. The key is, what do I do when I am faced with it. Do I follow what, in my heart, I say I believe and resist the temptation...or do I choose to follow the father of lies and dishonor my father in Heaven. All too often, I reject the cross and give in to temptation...I usually learn from it, but in the end, my heart always breaks for what broke his. I am praying tonight that Christ will show me where I am not trusting Him and that He will give me wisdom on how to be more Christ-like in the future...that no man should perish.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Follow up
Here's a little followup reading that I read this morning that reminds me of my post from yesterday.
Ecclesiastes 2:24
"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." And in John Piper's words "A wasted life".
Ecclesiastes 2:24
"A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." And in John Piper's words "A wasted life".
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Glorifying God in everything I do...
I have not always understood how I could glorify God in everything I did. I mean...how did it glorify God that I was eating and drinking?? That's just silly. haha...but I'm coming to a more full understanding of what that means now. I did not always understand how to set priorities before, either....and I'm getting a better grasp of that now....God always = #1. If I ever felt that he wasn't #1...then I knew my job...to get Him back there. I am a girl of many passions....and there is a reason that I am passionate about all of them. The reason I am passionate about God is because I see truth in His message. The reason I am passionate about Jazz is because it's part of my family history and my mom always encouraged the gift that she said God had given me (didn't get that then either, but I trusted that my mom probably knew a little more than me). The most important thing was to remember truth. The truth was found in God's word to us: The Bible. There are ten commandments in the Bible and one of those is one that I broke recently. I found myself in a snowball of sin that took me to a huge state of confusion. I was lost. I had no God. I had a desire to not know Him. I had a desire to not run after him. I was in a field all by myself, and no shepherd to rescue me.
Or so I thought.
I continued in my lost state. I kept hold of the thing that I wanted and tried to make it work the way I wanted it to. I forgot about total surrender and how important that was. I had my priorities all messed up...and the reason I know that...is because God wasn't first. If He was...then why did I not believe in Him? Why was I not letting Him write my story? I forgot that I was permitted to do everything I wanted...but that not everything was beneficial. I forgot the promise that was given to me to by Him to work everything out for my good if I just loved Him. I forgot that Jazz was NOT supposed to be my #1 Passion. I was never told that I was not allowed to do Jazz. But I started loving Jazz...more than I loved Jesus. I loved jazz so much that I would do anything to make it to the top...even if the Lord didn't want me at the top (like I had control over that...haha...silly me). I AM permitted to sing Jazz. However, when it takes the centerpiece of my heart...I am NOT permitted. I have sinned against God when I allow that...because as Michael Youssef said, "An idol is anything or anyone who occupies the centerpiece of your heart". My snowball of sin had been sparked by one of the "easiest" commandments to follow. I mean, you would know if you weren't putting God first, right? haha...not so easy. Thankfully, God is faithful, always good and ALWAYS extends grace to me if I accept it. He showed me through many different things that I needed His grace and so I am taking a few steps back to reconfigure my priorities and I'm allowing Him to take the center of my heart again.
In all of this, I have learned that my life is not wasted when I'm doing what I'm doing to glorify God. I'm not wasting my time on things that don't honor Him. I glorify God when I keep Him first and keep His commands to the best that I can in a sinful world. Therefore, I will glorify him in my eating and my drinking and by allowing him to sanctify me.
Or so I thought.
I continued in my lost state. I kept hold of the thing that I wanted and tried to make it work the way I wanted it to. I forgot about total surrender and how important that was. I had my priorities all messed up...and the reason I know that...is because God wasn't first. If He was...then why did I not believe in Him? Why was I not letting Him write my story? I forgot that I was permitted to do everything I wanted...but that not everything was beneficial. I forgot the promise that was given to me to by Him to work everything out for my good if I just loved Him. I forgot that Jazz was NOT supposed to be my #1 Passion. I was never told that I was not allowed to do Jazz. But I started loving Jazz...more than I loved Jesus. I loved jazz so much that I would do anything to make it to the top...even if the Lord didn't want me at the top (like I had control over that...haha...silly me). I AM permitted to sing Jazz. However, when it takes the centerpiece of my heart...I am NOT permitted. I have sinned against God when I allow that...because as Michael Youssef said, "An idol is anything or anyone who occupies the centerpiece of your heart". My snowball of sin had been sparked by one of the "easiest" commandments to follow. I mean, you would know if you weren't putting God first, right? haha...not so easy. Thankfully, God is faithful, always good and ALWAYS extends grace to me if I accept it. He showed me through many different things that I needed His grace and so I am taking a few steps back to reconfigure my priorities and I'm allowing Him to take the center of my heart again.
In all of this, I have learned that my life is not wasted when I'm doing what I'm doing to glorify God. I'm not wasting my time on things that don't honor Him. I glorify God when I keep Him first and keep His commands to the best that I can in a sinful world. Therefore, I will glorify him in my eating and my drinking and by allowing him to sanctify me.
My first blog :)
I am starting my own blog. I can't believe it. haha. I have been dreading this day ever since I thought about doing one 7 years ago and now I feel that it's time...I mean...it must be time, right? haha. The day I don't dread doing it, that must be a pretty good sign that I'm ready to. haha. I used to journal stuff on random days for myself and sometimes read back on the things that I used to think and feel. Well, now it's time for me to do the same thing in a public setting. I have learned that it shows growth. I like to see when I've grown because it encourages me to grow and get better later when I have no motivation to do so. Some of this blog will be things that I've learned lately, some of it will be things that I love, some will be random facts...but I just felt the need to create something of my own and share it with the world...so here it goes.
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